


to my skin

by Anonymous



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Langst, M/M, Overworking, i larb my kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 01:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13776471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Stupid, stupid,” he murmurs to himself. “Sorry.”





	to my skin

  
_“Mama? What’s for dinner?” Lance asks, confused. There isn’t a place setting out for him._

_Mama’s face twists. “I assumed you wouldn’t want any, Lance. You had so much ice cream earlier.”_

_“That was hours ago Mama!” Lance giggles, giving his mother a gap-toothed smile._

_“If you eat much more you’ll grow chubby, baby. Mama just worries. You don’t want to be chubby, do you?”_

 

-

 

Lance’s stomach growls with a ferocity, hunger pangs rushing his body. His textbook is splayed open on the kitchen table but he finds himself distracted, reading the same line over and over and pressing his hands to his impatient tummy in the hopes of easing the pains.

The door falls open with a crash, Hunk stumbling through with armfuls of groceries. He shoots Lance a warm grin. Lance jumps to his feet to help but Hunk waves him away.

“I got it. What’d you want for dinner? I bought some fresh garlic, we can make those pastry twists that you like. And I bought some ginger too, if you want-“

“Not hungry.” Lance says, the lie coming to him easily. “I had those waffles.”

“Dude, that was hours ago.” Hunk grimaces. “And they were so tiny. Potato waffles have basically no nutritional value.”

Lance looks at him in mild confusion. “I can... have more, today?”

Hunk turns away from the groceries to stare at his long-term best friend and new roommate in concern. “Uh, yeah?”

Lance smiles cautiously. “Oh, um. We could have gnocchi? Or mac and cheese. If you want.”

“Sure buddy, whatever you want.”

 

-

 

_Lance plops himself down next to his mother, gameboy in hand. She’s embroidering something, the radio playing a sweet Spanish sonnet._

_“Hi Mama, whatcha doing?” he implores, pausing his game. She looks at his with an unreadable expression, eyes resting on the game console he carries._

_“Lance honey, what have I told you about the gameboy before bed? Your sister and brother are studying right now, I expected you to be doing the same.”_

_“But Mama, I don’t have any tests coming up or anything.” Lance explains, voice tapering into a whine as her expression darkens._

_“You think that’s an excuse? Lance, you must work hard to get ahead in life. How else will you do well? You’ll never be as smart as your brothers and sister if you continue like this.”_

_Lance looks down at his gameboy and sighs. “Yes Mama.” he says softly._

 

-

 

Pidge raps her tiny knuckles against his head. “Stop studying man, midterms are over.” Voices flood through the door she left open, music humming in the background.

Lance barely looks up at her. “I know. I just wanted to get ahead for next sem.”

“You have weeks for that. C’mon, we’re celebrating.” she says, trying to close the textbook.

Lance lets it shut with a thud. “I can’t keep up with everyone if I don’t study.”

Pidge frowns. “What do you mean?” she says. “Lance, you’re top of the class.”

‘I’m not,” he argues, looking down at his hands. “Keith doesn’t even study and he still does better.”

“Well, one, Keith definitely studies. He spends like an hour a week with us, so he must be doing something. And two, Keith’s downstairs celebrating. Everyone needs a break.”

Lance looks up at her with a quirked smile. “He is?”

Pidge’s eyes suddenly gain a mischievous gleam and she pushes her glasses up. “Dude. That was so obvious even I’m embarrassed for you. Just date already.”

 

-

 

_Lance rushes down the stairs in a gangly tumble, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He stops at the door where the rest of his family wait, mild impatience on their faces._

_Mama looks at him sourly. “Lance, we’re going to church, not a barn. Why haven’t you done your hair?”_

_Lance frowns at her. An eyebrow inches up. “My hair?”_

_“Yes, baby, your hair. Your brother did his just fine. You’re a big boy now Lance.”_

_“Sorry Mama,” he says._

_“It’s alright.” she says, but it doesn’t feel alright. “You’ll do it right next time.” She opens the door, Sunday morning sun tracing lines up his face, disguising his humiliated flush._

 

-

 

Lance looks at himself in the mirror for the tenth time that morning and feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest. Tears creep into the corners of his eyes and he shakes his head.

“Stupid, stupid,” he murmurs to himself. “Sorry.”

Keith comes up behind him and wraps his arms gently around his waist. He can’t comfortably rest his chin on Lance’s shoulder so instead he pushes his face flat against Lance’s back.

“What’s stupid?” he mumbles, the edges of sleep curled around his voice.

“Nothing, just,” Lance says hurriedly, “my hair won’t play nice.”

“Your hair looks fine. It’s only a barbecue. No one cares what you look like.”

“I care.” Lance says, resting his hands on Keith’s.

Keith squeezes him tighter. “I know you do. It’s alright Lance. Promise. Your hair looks just as nice as usual.”

Lance slouches in on himself. “You’re sure no one will care?”

He can feel Keith smile into his back. “I’ll fight them if they do.”

 

-

 

_”I don’t want to hear these complaints, Lance. You are to go to school here. Do you want me to be lonely? Do you hate me now?”_

 

-

 

Ultimately, the truth bubbles out of him with a bottle of wine, staggered and half-thought.

“What was your childhood like Lance, in Cuba?” Allura asks, her head against Shiro’s shoulder. He’s snoring underneath her and she chuckles when he gets too loud. 

Lance has an equally asleep Keith in his lap, who snores much more quietly, the brothers having drank themselves to bed. He plays with his boyfriends soft hair, puzzling over the right words to say.

“It was beautiful. The heat and the sunlight. The oceans. It felt like a huge community. Everyone you spoke to had something to tell you, as if you were a family member.” he leans back, looking up at the ceiling of Shiro’s apartment, eyes tracing Keith’s glow in the dark stars.

“What are your parents like?”

He meets Allura’s eyes, the hint of concern there.

“They’re kind. They love me with everything. My dad, he is a hard worker. He would work 6 days a week when I was young. I only saw him on Sundays, when we went to church.” he smiles despite the resentment there.

“Mama...” he pauses. He feels something unpleasant fight into his chest and knock his lungs together until his breathing feels tight. “She was. Stricter. She wanted us to succeed desperately. I scorned her when I applied for college here, so far from home. But I had to.”

Allura looks at him expectantly. “Was your mother...”

“She was mean. She said things, mean things, like they were in my best interest. She tricked me and I believed her, because she’s my Mama. I love her, but I know now that she doesn’t love me like she’s supposed to.”

He looks down at Keith, suddenly afraid of what he’s said, as if expecting repercussions. He doesn’t expect violet eyes to be looking up at him.

“That’s right,” Keith says, voice croaky from the dregs of sleep in his throat. “She was conditional. You are very strong for applying here and for leaving her.”

Allura nods in agreement.

Lance chokes, tears brimming. “I don’t feel strong.”

“I know,” Keith comforts. He brings a hand up to rest on Lance’s cheek. “But you are. She made you feel like that because she was manipulative.” Keith says, the words practiced, having reassured Lance of this many time before.

“She was just looking out for me,” Lance says, denies, but he leans into Keith’s hand anyways.

“Sometimes,” Allura says with an understanding smile, “we don’t always recognize what people are doing to us until they have already done it. You don’t have to justify what she did, Lance. She may be your mother, but you don’t owe her anything.

“It’s hard, I know you struggle. But Lance, you have already overcome so much. When you first moved in with Hunk and Pidge, you ate one meal a day. You worked yourself to the bone and then worked more.”

“And you got better.” Keith finishes, smiling up at Lance. It is such a full-faced grin that Lance can’t help but smile back. “You prove to me everyday how strong you are. I’m so glad you’re in my life.” Keith’s thumb wipes a tear from Lance’s chin.

Lance smiles, but the ache in his chest is still there. He can feel his mother’s disappointment even as he agrees. But some things never fade, just ease.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you didn’t hate it. There’s time skips between each flashback and then between each present moment, it’s not that confusing I think? but idk Might do a part 2. Have a good day!


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